If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
