Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
