Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
