there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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