Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
