I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
