the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
