Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
