I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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