The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
