so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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