we have officially lost it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
