K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
