dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
