I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
