He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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