I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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