porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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