if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
