glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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