Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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