Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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