I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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