oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
