Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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