I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
