We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
