He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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