the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
