maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
