I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Acid is not a monday night drug
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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