it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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