Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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