Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
