I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
