Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
