the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
being pregnant is like rehab
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
