I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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