Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
