the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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