And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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