What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
