no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
