im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
