dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
