How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
