So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
