Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your penis caused this!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
