I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
