think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
