I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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