Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
