happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
