You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
