if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
