hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
