I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
