White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
