Taylor Swift is so right about you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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