We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
MIDGETS
????
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
