Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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