I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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