No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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