It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize