Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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