I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
