smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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