Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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